Yesterday was Teddy's last day drinking momma's milk from a bottle. What's funny is I didn't cry at all. This is funny because for the past month, I have been very emotional about my frozen milk "stash" dwindling. Since last may I have had approximately 400 ounces of frozen milk in the freezer. We nursed all this summer, so I didn't have to break into my stash unless we were going on a long road trip. Then school started up again. I had to send him to daycare with 2 frozen milkies a day! I did the math and figured I had one month left. As long as we made it to his first birthday, I was cool. Right? Wrong.
I had no idea how the idea of him drinking anything other than my milk would affect me. As time went on my stash got lower and lower. Finally, when I was down to 36 bags, I decided to spread it out. I grouped the 4 and 5 ounce bags together, leaving the 6 ounce bags in a separate bag. I did the math and figured I had one more week of two bottles a day and then 2 weeks of one 6 ounce bottle a day. AND THEN I BROKE DOWN. I can't explain it. But just seeing that there was an end in sight broke my heart. There's no real reason for my tears, I was still nursing and planned to continue nursing. But something about him not having MY MILK while I was away from him was tearing me up. Maybe that's it...my connection to him while I was at work was he was getting my milk. I was taking care of him, providing for him, even when I couldn't be with him.
After a few tearful conversations with Missy and a co-worker, I came to peace with what HAD to happen. My co-worker suggested that I be the one to give him cow milk. I did it that night! He liked it! It was going to be OK!
We continued on giving him two bottles a day for a week. We also allowed him to drink cow milk with dinner at home. Then the last bag came out of the deep freeze. No problem right? Wrong! Tears again! But this time, I let myself be sad and moved toward and through the emotions.
Yesterday was his very last bottle before his morning nap. He has no idea he's crossed into full toddlerhood. But for me, this is one of the hardest milestones we've hit. Walking? Fun! Turning 1? Time for a party! Talking? Just say Mama would ya!? Frozen momma milk stash diminishing? Sob!
I do not look forward to the time when our nursing relationship is over. What emotions will erupt then? But for now, I will cherish our early morning and bedtime snuggles. I am truly thankful I have been able to provide for him this long.